Broken

It is only through our brokenness that we can fully appreciate the awesome healing power of the Holy Spirit, and allow the powerful things within us to truly pour out into our lives. It is not weak to be broken, as it is only in our vulnerable state that we can truly connect to the world around us, taking in the things that also break the heart of Jesus. God has some brilliant treasures that he wants us to experience. But some of them can only be experienced by the breaking of our hearts, and ourselves, for we are naturally proud and stubborn.

Travelling in the darkness is not in itself a bad thing, but it is that transition out from the darkness and into the light that is truly remarkable. For it is in our broken state that we allow God to change us and mold us, fashioning us for far greater things than we can have achieved on our own. In our state of despair, or depression, we rely on God, we give our lives over to him, we become meek, and in that, strong, in Christ.

"Meanwhile, Jesus was in Bethany at the home of Simon, a man who had previously had leprosy. While he was eating, a woman came in with a beautiful alabaster jar of expensive perfume made from essence of nard. She broke open the jar and poured the perfume over his head."

Mark 14:3

Hope

N.B. I have been meaning to write this ever since the service on Hope 08 on the 30th December. I guess now seems the right time to actually say something.

So I've realised, that all too often in life there are things that happen that can get us down, dampen our spirit, and make us feel like the world is coming to an end. And often, it is when those things are going on, that we forget about the one thing that will banish the darkness from our days. We seek to find the things that are going wrong, and forget to cherish the gems that come into our lives, blessings from God that are cast aside because we are having a bad day, week or month.

This is the year of Hope, right? Hope 2008. The big year for changing the world. It seems like a pretty big task. Where do we even start? There is so much injustice, inequality and hatred that is present in our world today, what could any one person possibly do to change that? How do we, as Christians, seek to shine a light out into the darkness that so many people are consumed by?

Well, we each do our bit. I don't know if you've ever seen the film Evan Almighty but its great. The moral that comes out at the end (yes I am about to spoil it) is that by each person performing one act of random kindness at a time, (ARK) it subsequents that we each change the world. Its a pretty simple method. You could also look at the principle behind Pay It Forward. In both cases, the person wanting to change the world, had the change the lives of those around them first.

We can't do it alone. And so that is how I am going to work through 2008, and beyond. Attempting to change the lives of those around me for the better; everyone I meet, everyone I talk to. Its a pretty big task, when I think about it. I want to become a blessing that shines out to those who are still in the darkness. Cause I know that's a pretty lonely place to be. And I know there is hope, in Jesus.

"And the world keeps spinning, through the darkness towards the light."

Precious

My eldest sister and her husband were expecting their first baby in July. However, on Tuesday something went wrong and Mel suffered a miscarriage. I for once, am actually pretty lost for words. But I know that God holds that little baby in his arms, and that he holds us as a family, closer together, seeking comfort from each other. I only ask that you keep my family in your prayers.

"For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and

wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together

in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written

in your book before one of them came to be."
Psalm 139: 13 - 16

Hurting

N.B. I don't know what I'm going to write in this blog. I shall type as I feel able. These last few days/weeks in Southend have been pretty good. So this blog might even seem a little out of the blue. If I'm honest, it's been a long time coming. I've just never got round to writing all these feelings down. Maybe I should have explained this stuff to a few more people, and it would have made situations less awkward. If that is the case, then I am truly sorry. Please don't take that as a reflection on the dear relationship I have with you. It was merely a case that I was not able to find the words to explain myself adequately.

So there's things that I do that really affect the way I deal with close relationships. And maybe in the past, they've been pointed out and I've chosen to ignore them, and so maybe most of the time I'm not really being me, but rather, the person that I think others want me to be. It's no secret that I've struggled majorly in the past with self-worth. Maybe thats all a part of it.

One thing I do is wear the 'mask'. (And I'm not talking about a green thing here...) Sometimes I don't even realise I am wearing it. But most of the time, I am. Let me explain: If I've had a bad day, then to about 99.9% of people who ask me how my day was, I will say "Yeah, t'was pretty good thanks." If I've had a good day, then you'll probably get the same answer. The 'mask' is the fake smiles and laughter behind which I can hide my real being. Sometimes it slips, and I get upset in public. Which I hate. But, ya know, I've tried being more open recently. I've tried talking some worries through with people I haven't known all that long. Sometimes, it has helped greatly. Other times it has left me feeling even worse than before. I am still experimenting to be honest, being open and leaving myself vulnerable to rejection. I wouldn't say that the 'mask' has completely gone yet. I still wear it 70% of the time. But that's progress.

The second thing I do, is substitute anger for homesickness, or loneliness. This is big mistake. When I begin to miss someone from home; instead of getting upset I find little excuses to get angry at them. It can be anything. Anything to stop myself having to admit that actually, I really miss them, and I haven't heard from them in a while, and actually, that really hurts. Feeling anger towards them is easier than feeling like I'm losing them.

Actually. That's what inspired me to write this blog. Right now, it hurts. Deep inside me, I'm feeling empty because so many things this week have made me feel like I've been forgotten. And every time I hear from one of my friends, it makes me feel even more left out. Maybe I read into things too much. But even though I can be getting on great here, and feel part of the church family, I still constantly feel like I'm missing things that I used to be a part of. Little things, that I'm not around for anymore. And there aren't actually any words that can adequately describe what I'm feeling right now. I can't actually even see the computer screen very well, because as I type this, tears are welling up in my eyes. Maybe I miss my friends tonight more than I ever have before. Maybe I'll cry myself to sleep tonight, and in the morning, maybe I'll get up and put that mask back on.

"I've been down and I'm wondering why,

These little black clouds keep walking around with me...

So maybe tomorrow, I'll find my way home."

'Maybe Tomorrow' - Stereophonics

Keys

N.B. Coming back from Training Week there is a lot of stuff in my head that I am trying to organise, this is a mild attempt to get some of it written down.

So, it the New Year. A year of new beginnings, new starts? And yet, when so much from the past has influenced and changed us, we hang on to it. Old friends, old loves, old struggles, old mistakes. There are plenty of things from the last few years of my life that I am still holding on to. And maybe I didn't even realise how much, until now.

On the Thursday night of Training Week the 2nd Years ran the evening worship session. They are always really good, and it is good for us "Firsties" to learn from those who have been through and struggled with things that we are all coping with now. They are a great sense of support and leadership for us, definately for me.

Jo is really shy normally, and yet she got up the front and did a talk on 'jumping into empty swimming pools for God' (it does make sense...) Her talk was good. But what made the most impact on me was that Jo was saying it. Jo, who never (voluntarily) takes an 'up-front' role. But she did it anyway, and said some really good things to us about how we must trust in God to fill the pool with water. And it made me think that maybe I really could do an assembly after all...

After the worship, I sat at the front and was thinking through things. Kat came up and prayed with me, speaking specifically that God wanted me to have peace. Afterwards said to me that God had showed her this image of keys, and that I was holding on to them, and God just wanted me to loosen my grip a bit. The keys to the past or the keys to freedom, and inner peace? I don't know. But either way, God was telling me to let go, and really trust that He had my future in His hands. Trust that God lives in this very moment with me.

N.B.2.

As I was writing this out in my bedroom at Niki + Paul's, I looked up at my bedroom wall, and hanging up there is a photo frame, with these words inside:

"I was regretting the past and fearing the future, and suddenly my Lord was speaking, "My Name Is: 'I AM.' He paused, and I waited. He continued:

When you live in the past, with its mistakes and regreats, it is hard: I am not there. My name is not: 'I WAS'.

When you live in the future, with its problems and fears, it is hard: I am not there. My name is not 'I WILL BE'.

When you live in this moment it is not hard: I am here.

My Name Is: 'I AM'"

We must live in each moment, in which we will experience God. He IS in the world around us, if only we were to look closer. In every smile and every tear. His voice is like thunder, like laughter, like rain drops. It is the NOW we must change, in order to change at all.

Philosophy

N.B. This is my new about me on MySpace. Its all good. It's my new philosophy in life. Cause I believe that no matter who you are, or what you do, there are some things in life that you can't change. Things that money and power cannot affect. And the only way you can deal with that is by accepting it. Sometimes, life is hard. But you can't let it drag you down. I have, for many years. But I am beginning to realise now that the only thing I need is to be loved by God. Nothing else.

My life so far has been a learning curve; the things I have been through shape me into who I was always suppposed to be. I know the future is better than the past, because I trust that my life is in God's hands. I have learnt many hard lessons in life, because things happen that you can't control and things happen that you can't change. But you have to look ahead to where the light is shining, not behind you to where the shadow falls. You must learn to love other people, and love them dearly, putting their needs above your own. You mustn't be afraid to laugh at yourself, or smile when no-one is looking. Watch the sun as it rises, and wish it goodnight as it sets; let your hair loose in the summer breeze, and lay peacefully in green fields. Let the world revolve around you, taste the salt of tears on your lips, and when you hold a sleeping child in your arms, realise that you are completely accepted.

The world is constantly changing. And we are all changing too. I have started a journey that will last me my entire life, and its the best journey ever. Because, life may not always be easy, and I may not always be able to see the road ahead, but I know that I trust in the amazing grace that comes from my Lord, and I will always be safe, and I will always be loved. And thats all anyone ever wants, isn't it?

Forgiveness

One thing that I have learned that I am constantly having to come back to is forgiveness. To learn to forgive is hard, but great a gift. When I asked a good friend of mine once what the most important thing in his life was, his reply was simply forgiveness. When struggling with the difficulties of life, it is easy to project blame onto other people, in order to relieve yourself of having to deal with yourself. Personally, I am rubbish at holding grudges. I have been betrayed many times, by people I believed to be my best friends, but I have forgiven them, and they remain, to this day, some of my best friends.

The dictionary states that to forgive is:

1. to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2. to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
3. to grant pardon to (a person).
4. to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.

It was that last one that got me. To cease to feel resentment against... it has been easy for me in the past to say, "I forgive you" to people. But those words had to become action. In order for me to really release that pain that was felt when I was betrayed, I had to embrace that person and become friends with them again. Become good friends. In this world, in this day and age, there are so many who will try to put me down, to make me feel worthless, just so that they may get ahead. I do not want to waste time arguing with those to whom I have an emotional attachment.

It's a New Year. I am going to make new start. Let go of old grievances and old disaggreements. Make peace with old friends, smile and laugh with them like I have done before. Maybe its a good time to think about whether you could do the same.

New Year

N.B. It is late as I write this, but I write it because if I wait till I have slept then I would have perhaps forgotten everything that I wanted to say, and I want to say it, because I believe it is important.

I am quite unaffected by the whole “New Year!!” feeling. It’s just another day, another minute, another second later than the last. A year is just a time period, made significant by the Romans’ invention of the calendar as they traced the seasons and the days according to the moon and the sun. So I really don’t see the big deal. I go to New Year’s Eve gatherings because it is a chance to socialise with people, have some fun, “let ya hair down a bit” but when it comes to getting all excited with the fireworks and the trekking it to London and the New Year’s resolutions, well I guess I’m a bit of a scrooge.

I guess up till September, my life was pretty constant. I went to church. I went to school. I hung out with friends. I helped at kids and youth clubs. Day in, day out, all year round, for the last – however many years, right? But this year, I’m here. I’m in a new place, with new people, with new prospects, and new hopes. And so I guess this year I’ve really began to realise the significance to what people see when a new year is dawning. They believe; they hope; that the New Year will bring new things for them, a chance of promotion, a chance of love, a change in lifestyle. They make resolutions, in the hope that THIS year, they will be able to keep it longer than the afternoon of New Years Day. They celebrate that, they live for that.

However, I am appalled and angry that £1.3 million was spent on the 11-MINUTE fireworks display in London for the New Year. £1.3 MILLION! Are you kidding me? If we as a country had that much money to spend on stupid fireworks, then why didn’t we sent it out to somewhere like the Philippines, or Africa, where children are dying every day because they don’t have clean water or enough food to eat? Where little children are living and working on rubbish dumps, searching for something they can sell, because they have no families to look after them. They have nowhere warm to come home to at night, no-one to give them a cuddle and tell them they love them. Can you blame me for being a scrooge when it comes to New Year with thoughts like that? Who makes decisions like that, to spend that amount of money on some FIREWORKS? So I guess I am still a bit of a scrooge when it comes to New Year.

In 2007, I spent an awful lot of money on things I didn’t need. But I’ve had enough. I’m going to change. In regards to presents on my birthday – I don’t want them anymore. I don’t need them anymore. Give me money, so that I can use it wisely, to aid the life of someone less fortunate than myself. So this is my mission in 2008: to not waste money on things that I don't need and to give the money that God gives me to whoever needs it the most. And I may fail, I may slip up, I may waste money on things I never really needed. But I’m sure as hell going to give it a go, and I shall press on trying, eager to do what I believe is right.

Narrow

N.B. I have a feeling that I will be blogging quite a bit in the next few days, I hope you can keep up. :)

I would just like to share a thought that I had today with you. It has often been said, when people have travelled a bit of the journey of Christianity, that when they look back, they realise that it has not been an easy one. Some may say that they were or were not warned that it was going to be a tough ride.

Some may be in the middle of that tough patch of the ride at the moment. But the thought I had was this: how often do I look at myself, and the way I am living my life when the journey is going well? How often, when I find that life is good, do I question my motives, and my thoughts? My actions and my words? The answer to that question, is well, not very often!

However, when I am going through a rough patch - when life is hard and the way ahead seems dark - it is then I turn to God; it is then that I look at myself and question what I am doing wrong: how I am sinning, how I am acting that does not demonstrate total love for God's people?

Please don't get me wrong. I am not saying that sin is the cause of hard times. If you are suffering from grief, or depression, or another illness it is because of some unconfessed sin in your life. No no no. I am simply saying that when you are a believer, and you are going through a hard time spiritually, it is probably because you were doing something right. The devil likes to attack us when he see's us doing great things for God. If everything is always going well for you - I think you might need to take a step back and look at the situation!

Anyways, that was just a thought I had for a few minutes this afternoon, hope it makes sense.

"You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it."

Matthew 7: 13-14

Friendship

N.B. I have many degree's of friendship, therefore, just because I do not mention you by name, does not mean you do not mean the world to me. I probably still love you with all my heart.

Being back in Brentwood this week has been emotional for me. Seeing my family, catching up with my friends, going to my home church, walking around streets that I have walked on since I was a toddler. It's been strange. It's home in a physical sense, but emotionally, I don't feel "here" anymore. But it has meant a chance to catch up with the people in my life who haven't physically "been" in my life over the last few months. I've met up with quite a few of them, some more than others, and spent time catching up on what's been going on in their lives.

I know I have changed a lot in the last four months. If anything, my views on life and what is important has narrowed to the things that really matter - living like Christ and loving people for who they are. My life has changed too, and is now very different to the lives of some of those I have left behind. But what I love the most is that I can come home for this one week, and spend time with people, and it's as if I never went away. We make jokes, we tease each other, or one of us makes a spazzy comment that results in hysterical laughter all round... it's comfortable. There is no fakeness in ourselves. We are each as we are, individual in our attitudes, unique in our personalities, special in our ability to be with one another. And just be. Not talk, or make jokes, or mess around, (although that is what we often do). But sometimes we are able to just relax in the friendship we have with one another.

Yeah, I have changed, and they have changed too, and our lives are now on two very seperate tracks, but I am able to chat and laugh and cry with them just as I always did. And that is something so very special.

So to Susie, Sally, Georgia, Rachael and Ruth - thank you for being such very special, individual people, and thank you for sharing with me a relationship that continues to grow stronger every day.

All my love,

Ami xXx

Satisfaction

N.B. I have realised this Christmas that I get immense satisfaction from helping other people to do stuff. (Please don't get into a debate with me about selfless acts...)

Yesterday at the churches Christingle service, I had Reuben sitting on my lap for the entire thing. And I enjoyed it. Because Reuben wanted to sit on my lap, he wanted to be close to me, he wanted to spend time with me. He's a great kid. And I love him to pieces. And like all the children that I work with, he has something unique, and something extra special about him. And by allowing him to spend that time with me, I made him feel extra special, even if it was only for a moment. And thats what I love about my job.

There have been times in my life when I haven't felt like I was worth anything. But now I know that God loves me just as I am because I am special and loved by him. And now I am working my hardest to ensure that each child that I work with also feels special, and loved by me and by God. I don't care much for Child Protection. (Don't quote me on that.) If a kid wants/ needs/ asks for a hug, I will give it to them. And yes, I know that Child Protection is for my protection as well. But that's a risk I am going to take. Because sometimes, children, sometimes people, just need to be hugged. (Shutting up now, before I get arrested or something...)

I generally don't like having time to throw away. I like to help people. To give people my time. Because in the past, people have given up their time for me and its made a big difference to my life. When I'm with people, I'm normally smiling, and messing around, (unless they're trying to have a serious conversation with me of course, cause then it would be entirely inappropriate...) Being able to make people smile makes me feel good. Helping people out makes me feel satisfied. Is that so wrong? So often in the past, I have found that all I have to give is my time, so if thats all I have to give, that's what I'm giving.

Anyone want some? Give me a call.
(Or preferably an email/text cause I don't like talking on the phone.)
xXx

Sitting

I wrote today on an MSN group that I am occupying a state of mind between "eurgh" and "meh." To be honest, there really is no other way of putting it. That's exactly how I have been feeling these last few days. A number of situations and conversations have tipped me either way, but the majority of the time, things have just been hard. Hard to think about, even harder to talk about. And I'm not that much of a talker normally, but when I'm upset or sad, it gets worse. I clam up. I mutter. I just don't know what to say.

I suppose a lot of people these days expect people to want to talk about the things that worry them. The culture we live in expects people to speak up if they want help, if they need someone. But that in itself is a very hard situation for me. Talking about myself is rarely something I enjoy. And usually, its the people closest to me who have found that hardest to accept. That when I am upset, I actually don't want to answer their questions, or answer their stares. Some have made the mistake of thinking that it means I don't value them as a friend, or trust them. When often, it is only with the people I am the closest to that I allow myself to be openly upset. Everyone else gets the public face that I put on to protect myself. When asked, I will reply "fine." And it is only a handful of people who can see through that.

There has been a few conversations this week that I have treasured. I have been exploring myself with a friend a bit this week, and it was just one thing he said at the end of the conversation that made me realise how special some people are to me. He knows how hard I find it to talk to people, and I had said that I would talk when I was ready. His reply was that he would wait. And when I was ready I knew who I could talk to. And that until then, he would sit with me, and hold the Christ light for me.

Sit with me. Not ask me questions. Not look at me waiting for me to say something. But sit with me. I thought that was amazing, and a brilliant example of the present nature of Christ. Being there in the moments when the silence is the only comfort.

I have some dear friends, and some of which I would call my angels. They mean the world to me, and it is not because they make me laugh and smile, or because we have loads in common, or because we hang out in the same places. It is because they are present to me, available to talk to when I need, but also available to just sit and cry with. I am not going to name them, because they know who they are. But may God bless each one of them in their own situations, their own difficulties, and their own victories.

I am off to sing carols in Costa's. Good night. xXx

Vulnerable

N.B. Excuse me for a second, I really need to let this out or I am not going to get to sleep tonight. Sometimes, I just feel like everythings building in my subconscious and the only way to get it out is to write something. And so I write and I write, and eventually, words form together, and after a while, I carry on writing odd thoughts, whatever words pop into my head really. And thats how most of my poems come about.

I realised today that although some people think I am fairly open on here, a lot of my emotions I don't show, because I choose to write about them somewhere else, and only really spiritual or good things make it onto this blog. But thats not only what my journey has been about - and thats what I wanted this blog for, to record the journey of faith I was starting in Southend. There are times when I feel rubbish, and have failed. Times when I am struggling, when I am annoyed, or upset. Like tonight. After returning from a really good dinner, some things stayed in my head that I had been talking about that I realised actually bothered me a lot more than I let on. Part of building relationships is being vulnerable to people. Letting people in. I'm generally not so good at letting people in. My head is full of all kinds of things which I keep closely guarded under lock and key the majority of the time. But here is a chance to get inside my head. Enjoy it while it lasts.

I am torn
And inside, it hurts
Have two opposing courses of action
Ever seemed so far from one another?
Has a single moment, in all its glory
Ever truly made the distinction between
Hope and sorrow?
I am lost in the darkness
And through each little thing
That builds to this crescendo,
Slowly devouring my spirit,
I cry out, can anyone help me?
I know that someday,
This might put an end
To the way things have become.
And that knowledge, that conception:
It kills me
And I cannot stop it
Things have moved beyond my control
I am a spectator, a predictor
I have seen this all before.
But I am powerless. A weak bystander –
Soaked by the rain of bitterness and betrayal
I want to help.
But I cannot.
I am a failure: a mockery
A mere shadow that haunts the past
A scar that remembers the wound
Can ever one person mean so little?
I have failed you, dear brother.
And I am so very sorry.

Ami Wager © 2008

Cuddle

After the most amazing nativity this morning, followed by the church lunch, for some reason I felt a great emptiness inside of me. All my energy had been sucked out and thrown away. I didn't feel Christmassy. I didn't feel relieved that all the stress and worry that comes with helping run a nativity was over. I honestly just felt like crying. After the church was finally cleared and everything packed up, I didn't want to go home. So I just bummed round to Phil's house with his family instead. And I am so glad I did. His family are so great, like how I want my family to be like when I'm older. I felt so welcome, so accepted. And even though I was just about ready to burst into tears, I actually had a real nice time.

I get on well with all his kids, and Reuben (aged 6) is always jumping on me for a cuddle or a piggy-back. Last week he even confessed he wished I was his mum... (I think he meant sister...) Anyways, this evening, whilst watching Doctor Who, he fell asleep on my lap, and it was the most wonderful thing. It sounds pathetic, but that kind of total acceptance by a child gives you the most amazing feeling. It is a feeling totally pure, totally unmarred by age, completely loving. And it made me feel like I was worth the world.

And that's all I'm going to say about that. =]

Change

It may come as a surprise to some people, but I am terrified of change. It’s been one of the most important deciding factors in a lot of the way I have lived my life in the last few years. It’s the reason I stayed at County High to do A-Levels, and why I didn’t go to Uni. It’s a major reason why I took the subjects I took at A-Level – because I was familiar with the routine, with the teachers. I don’t get on too well with new teachers at first. I normally don't get on well with new anybody at first! I would say that I’m a bit of a perfectionist at heart. (I was watching a little kid colour a picture in yesterday, and it actually really got to me that they weren’t colouring within the lines...) I like things to be even, neat, simple, straight-forward. But of course, the world doesn’t work like that.

Things are constantly changing, rearranging, coming up, being cancelled, being rescheduled. Change for me means a lot of things, not many of them good. Change means new people who may reject me, people who might misunderstand me, people who might not like who I am, and people that could steal my friends away from me. Situations that I might not be able to handle, situations when I have to explain myself and situations when I have to talk about myself with people I don’t know. Questions I have to answer, questions about my family, about my background, about my lifestyle, and worst of all, about me. I’m not good at talking about me. I get embarrassed. I get nervous. I look at the floor. I look at the walls. I look for an escape, (but rarely get one.) I can listen for hours to someone talking about themselves. I can be interested in what they have to say. But I very rarely enjoy talking about me.

Giving my testimony at September training week was one of the hardest, most challenging experiences of this year so far. And yet, ever since that day, I realise now that something must have changed in me. My first week in Southend was awful. I cried myself to sleep every night, and I just wanted to go home and go back to my nice bed and familiar room just up the road from the church I had been attending since I was 4. Throughout that week, I met so many new people, all expecting something from me. And I was so completely terrified that I was going to fail them. I had no confidence in myself, no confidence in my abilities, and no confidence in God. When Training Week came, with all of its own challenges and tasks that I had to find the energy and the perseverance to endure, I was almost ready to give up. But I survived. And now I can look back at all the things I have achieved in the last three months. And yeah, most of them are really small and insignificant to the average person, but to me, there are some mammoth achievements in there.

I have made SO many new friends, had an (good?) influence on many young people’s lives. Shared parts of my life with people, some more than others, and shared in their lives too. I have risen to some challenges, and shied away from others; led bible studies, and helped others to lead; taken charge in some situations, and stepped back in others. And through all of that, I’ve learned some very important lessons. Life is full of its ups and downs. We never know what is around the corner. The world is constantly changing, constantly rearranging. But there is one thing that will never change. Something I can trust to always be there, always hold me, and always comfort me, is God’s never-ending, ever-changing, ineffable and incomparable Love.

I am still cautious about change. But now I know that change is necessary for growth. Change is needed to make people appreciate the status-quo. Change is required to make life that extra bit exciting. Change means realising what you’re missing out on, and working to make the world that tiny bit better. One word can mean the difference between happiness and total destruction. One song can change a million hearts. One life, can save the world.