Loud and Clear

N.B. Today, has been an awesome day. Read on to find out more.

Over the last few weeks, I've not had many of them. There have been plenty of okay days. And a few alright ones. And a fair few really crappy ones. But rare are the days when I can say, "Today has been great." The last few weeks I've been feeling pretty low and vulnerable to hurt, criticism and things not going to plan. All of those things, as well as general busyness and not managing my time very well led to me feeling particularly down last week, and then with my back playing up... everything was pretty dire. I generally try not to show that part of me to most people, but those closest to me see it, or know it.

Anyway, at the weekend I was away(ish) camping with the Junior Section of Hutton Free Church. 8 boys, 4 leaders including me. It was a nice weekend... albeit exhausting, frustrating, loud, pretty sleepless, and because of my trapped nerve, painful. The problem is, that I am one of those people who feels lonely a good 80% of the time, especially when I am surrounded by people who I don't really know 'me.' So although it was a good weekend, and I enjoyed it, I was lonely, and by the time I got home on Sunday afternoon I was desperate for a hug. (It had also been 4 weeks since I last saw Dan, so I was pining.) My two best friends were in London at HTB so they weren't around to meet up/talk to. But instead of laying on my bed crying (which is a general post-weekend away reaction) I somehow found the strength to spend the afternoon doing random little things, (like re-stringing my guitar and browsing Wikipedia) to keep myself busy. And wouldn't you know, my awesome best friends popped in for ten minutes to see me on their way home that night, so I didn't feel forgotten and left out.

But Monday morning I awoke feeling less than energetic about the day. It was my day off, and I'd woke early so I could book myself a Doctor's appointment, and spent the morning pottering about doing odd bits. After the Doctors appt. I wandered over to HSUC where I share an office with Alex to collect my folder for the groups that evening that I had stupidly left behind. Alex was having an 'out of the office working' kind of day, but he popped in for something I was just sitting at my desk sorting some bits out. We didn't speak much, but Alex is one of my best friends in the world, and he just knew that I was feeling 'bleurgh.' So just before he left again he leant down to where I was sitting and kissed me on the top of my head. It was such a spontaneous thing, but in that single second, my day changed. That one small act of love and care broke through my dark clouds and melted my apathy. It made me smile.

The rest of the day went really well. I felt so much more calm and relaxed about the day. Both the clubs that I was helping at/leading that evening went great. I felt energetic, enthusiastic, cheery. And as I went to bed that evening, I felt okay. I wasn't surrounded by the usual dark mist of loneliness that tends to settle in around that time everyone else logs off. I got myself into bed before midnight, and I lay awake in the darkness, I remembered how it felt to be kissed on the head, like a child sitting on her parent's lap, I felt protected and cared for, loved and reassured that everything was going to be okay. And although it was Alex that did it, it was more than that. It was God, knocking on all the bad cloudy thoughts and telling them to be quiet for just a few seconds. It was God, surrounding me with His love and care and reminding me that He would protect me through the storms. It was God's great Fatherly arms that wrapped around me and held me tight. And so as I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep, I smiled to myself, knowing it was going to be okay.

And that was yesterday. And today was also a great day. I was happy, but I was more than that. I had found rest in my soul. I could laugh and joke and be silly and enjoy being with my friends, colleagues and the kids I work with. I could genuinely say that I was 'good' when someone asked how my day was. That is such a rare moment in my life that I was almost willing people to ask me how I was!

But you know, I'm not saying that every morning I am going to awake feeling on top of the world: I have lived long enough to know that mountain top experiences don't last forever. The dark clouds that frequent my heart and mind come thick and fast, like a thunderstorm, but that one small gesture, that amazingly awesome moment when God barged into my life with flashing lights and a siren... well, I just thought that deserved a blog.

Unemployment

(Or why I am not looking for another 'Youth Work' job.)

N.B. I apologise to any followers out there that 2012 has been rather quiet on the blog front. I had a Dissertation to write...

So the end of my full time Youth Ministry job came and went. Was I sad? Yes. I've poured five years of my life into that place and I'm ain't 'alf going to miss all of the beautiful children and young people that I had the privilege to journey alongside. But am I excited? Yes. God has a plan for my life, and I am finally free to "do" ministry the way I have felt God calling me to do ministry over the last few years. My time is free to help those in need, not just those who are 'my responsibility'. In just over two weeks time I am off to the Philippines... a place very close to my heart, and somewhere I have missed over the last two years. I shall spend 9 weeks there, revisiting old friends, helping in projects and being helped a thousand times over. I shall laugh, cry and sit with my Filipino brothers and sisters, listening to their stories and telling them mine. It is going to be amazing.

When I return, I am looking for a run-of-the-mill, boring, job. One that I can go home from. One that gives me enough money to get through the days, and perhaps save a little too. Something with little responsibility. Now, quite a few people (including the lady from the Job Centre and my Mum) think that I am being a complete idiot for not looking for a Youth Work job as I have just graduated with a BA (Hons) Degree in Youth and Community Ministry. However, there are four main reasons for this decision:

1) I have spent the last five years of my life as a FULL time Youth Minister.. whilst studying for a degree. That not only left very little time for a social life, but also has driven me slightly crazy. As a 23-year-old, I need to have a job, at least for a while, that allows me time to be myself, time to spend with my boyfriend, and time to do things that I want to do, like join a sports team, meet up with friends, see my family more. etc.

2) Being a FT Youth Minister carries a lot of responsibilities and pressure, things that don't really go away when you go home of an evening. I feel that I may have missed out on some normal 18-23year old growing up experiences (like learning to drive) and I would like a chance to do those before I gain any more responsibility.

3) I have come to realise that 'doing' youth work is not about your job. I have a passion for young people, and to be paid to spend time with them and guide them and befriend them feels a bit wrong. So whilst I figure the whole lifestyle/vocation thing out, I have chosen to step away from being employed as a youth worker. I will always be a 'youth worker' at heart... I'm just not sure I want it to be my job. I love young people. And I don't have to have a title to do that.

4) For the last few months I have felt God calling me to my life-purpose. Opening some kind of safe-house/orphanage in the Philippines. This requires a lot of research, patience and prayer, as I don't yet know the exact timings of when this will come to pass. I'm trusting God on that one... but feel that I cannot commit fully to a church or an organisation working with young people whilst my mind is 'out of this place' so to speak.

So there you are. Four reasons why I am not looking for Youth Work jobs. Until next time...

Ami x

Thankful

Whilst reading the 'Enough' book, it spends some time suggesting how modern people can break out of the pressure of desperately needing more and more things to be fulfilled. One suggestion is to learn to be grateful for things that we so often take for granted. John Naish (the guy who wrote the book) talks about the Three Beautiful Things blog in which the author writes each day about three things that she is grateful for. I've read a few entries and I really like the idea. It is similar to the daily thankfulness I tried last year, (when I used my FB status each day to give thanks for something instead of complaining about something), and also the 1000 Awesome Things blog which is also highly amusing.

Sometimes they seem really random, but I think that in learning to be grateful for that which we have, we un-learn the need to have 'more' in all areas of our life. So I thought I'd give it a go and see how I get on. I guess for me it all seems highly fitting in this time of 'reassessing' my needs - and learning to let go of so much that has made life comfortable over the 22 years, 3 weeks and 2 days that I have spent on this earth. So here goes.

Today I am thankful for:

Sunshine alarm clocks.

Both in my flat in Southend and when at home-home in Brentwood, an alarm clock is a rather over-rated thing, as Mr Sun will often do the job just as adequately. But there is something deeply warming about waking up to sunlight on your face that sets the day up to be something wonderful.

A Toddlers Secret Language

I love my niece. (Have I mentioned before?) In a year I have gone from being 'Amamama', to 'Ami-sh' to 'Amana', and I think I am at last Auntie Ami. But there is something about the time I spend with her that is refreshing, heart-warming, and most of the time, deeply hilarious. At only 2 years, 4 months old, she hasn't quite grasped the English language in all it's fullness (well, who has?) and so much of the time, conversations with her often require a great deal of guessing or bluffing. Today we had almost a ten minute conversation with me having absolutely no clue at all what she was saying. She didn't seem all that fussed. My bluffing must be good! Anyway, I love that when she says 'oooff-gho', I know she means 'Let's go!'

Cousins

Today I spent some time with my cousins, whom I haven't seen much of in the last few years, mainly because of me being away in Southend. Anyways, they're 12-year-old triplets that I used to love spending time with when I was younger, and today, I spent a few hours reminiscing with them and telling them all about funny little things they used to do. It was great fun. It's strange really though, having family whose parent is a sibling of your parent (meaning they grew up together) and yet often cousins have lifes completely different to yours. Anyways, it was so cool, spending time with these 12-year olds who I used to see really often, and realising all of a sudden that they are people who have their own ideas, opinions, but you have this weird deep connection, even though you haven't seen each other for ages... and you could actually have some kind of an impact on how they see the world. I mean, when I was their age, I looked up to the older cousins of the family, but I've never really thought that the Triplets might do that to me. In a way I hope they do, and I hope that I teach them something fantastic about the world. I dunno... It's something I'm thankful for.

Okay, that's it. I'm gonna shut up now cause I've blogged more in the last few days than the last year altogether! May God bless you and may you learn something fantastic about His love for you this Easter.

Meaning

N.B. The following is apparently the Purpose Driven declaration, by Rick Warren. I found it on a piece of paper in my memory box, read it, and decided yeah! That's it. That's what I'm doing! So even though I could probably quite easily copy and paste it from the internet, I'm not going to. Because I mean every word, I'm going to type every word.

"Today I am stepping across the line. I'm tired of waffling and I'm finished with wavering, I've made my choice, the verdict is in, and my decision is irrevocable. I'm going God's way. There's no turning back now!

I will live the rest of my life serving God's purposes with God's people on God's planet for God's glory. I will use my life to celebrate His presence, cultivate His character, participate in His family, demonstrate His love, and communicate His word.

Since my past has been forgiven, adn I have a purpose for living, and a home awaiting in heaven, I refuse to waste any more time or energy on shallow living, petty thinking, trivial talking, thoughtless doing, useless regretting, hurtful resenting, or faithless worrying. Instead I will magnify God, grow to maturity, serve in ministry, and fulfill my mission in the membership of his family.

Because this life is preparation for the next, I will value worship over wealth, "we" over "me", character over comfort, service over status, and people over possessions, position and pleasures. I know what matters most, and I'll give it all I've got. I'll do the best I can with what I have for Jesus Christ today.

I won't be captivated by culture, manipulated by critics, motivated by praise, frustrated by problems, debilitated by temptation, or intimidated by the devil. I'll keep running my race with my eyes on the goal, not the sidelines or those running by me. When times get tough, and I get tired, I won't back up, back off, back down, back down or back slide. I'll just keep moving forward by God's grace. I'm Spirit-led, living on purpose, and mission-focused, so I cannot be bought, I will not be compromised, and I shall not quit until I finish the race.

I'm a trophy of God's amazing grace, so I will be gracious to everyone, grateful for every day, and generous with everything God entrusts to me.

To my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I say, "However, whenever, wherever and whatever you ask me to do, my answer in advance is YES! Wherever you lead and whatever the cost, I'm ready. Anytime. Anywhere. Anyway. Whatever it takes Lord: whatever it takes! I want to be used by you in such a way, that on that final day I'll hear you say: "Well done thou good and faithful one. Come on in, and let the eternal party begin!"

So there you have it! It's gonna be hard, uncomfortable, and painful, but boy, it is going to be worth it! Praise God!!

Planting

N.B. It's late, or early. Depending on what you call these small hours of the morning that only clubbers, alcoholics and insomniacs usually inhabit. I'm beginning to wonder if there is something about this place that stops me from sleeping...

Everyone's heard that sermon about reaping and sowing, and how sometimes those who plant seed's aren't always the ones that collect the harvest at the end of the crop. If you haven't heard it, maybe you've never worked in ministry. Because it is certainly a story that resounds loudly with those who sometimes get discouraged by doing all the work and never receiving a share of the crop at the end of it.

Of course, I'm not talking about plants here. I'm talking about children, young people... any people for that matter. There are those in ministry, (and I guess in all christian circles) who sow the seeds, and there are those who reap the harvest. I'm not sure at the moment who gets the raw end of the deal. I guess it's all on my mind at the moment as many of my children and young people, and others I have invested time and energy into, are off at the usual Christian festival weeks that dominate the summer holidays, and I know that whilst there many of them will make big decisions about their lives, maybe become christian's, give up a bad habit or two, or generally be impacted by the messages and atmospheres that are taught and created at all Christian festivals. And they will come back, and tell me all about how *insert name of Christian holiday here* changed their life forever, and how they now want to live for Jesus/get baptised/live differently. And in a small part, I am left thinking: "What about all the work I've been doing with you all year? What about all the times I've tried to tell you that thing, teach you that part of faith, show you how awesome it is to live that way?"

*sigh*

It's got me thinking about all those people who I never think about when I contemplate the journey I have travelled so far. There are people in my life whom I give credit/appreciation to for helping to mould me, but what about those who I never think about? They did have an impact on me, whether I acknowledge it or not. There was the nurse who looked after me whilst in hospital, my childhood friend Tony who I only knew for a year, the boys who called me names and beat me up in Junior school, the kids I played out on the street with, the various relatives and family friends that filled my life as a kid, and I guess as a teenager. These people had an impact on my life, and they helped to craft the person I have become just as much as those I acknowledge have. Many of these people will never see or hear from me again - never know the impact they had on me, nor know of the successes and the failures I achieve. And yet, the world keeps turning. People are constantly wandernig in and out of our of lives - and some of them leave more footprints than others.

And so, I may not get a mention in any testimonies/stories come September, but I will be the one to witness each of them grow, change and develop their faith for a while yet. The person that spoke that crucial word of change into their life may never see or hear from them again. But I will get to walk the next part of their journey with them too, as I walked the last. And though I may never be (in their eyes) the one who changed their life, maybe one day, down the line, when they are sitting up late at night contemplating the journey travelled so far, they may think of me. And maybe they won't. But then again, it is not the servant that reaps the true benefits of the harvest, but the Master.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."

Galatians 6: 9-10

Stripped

N.B. Please bear with me, this is the first time I have attempted to articulate these thoughts in writing.

Over the last few months, a lot of things have happened (some good and some bad) that have led to me experiencing the feeling of being broken and beat up inside. I say good and bad, because I believe that at some point in our Christian journey, (at least once, but probably many times) we must go through the fire in order to be refined by God. Sometimes the situations we go through are beyond our control, friends becoming ill or moving away, family members falling out, the government scrapping a savings scheme we were relying on. Sometimes those situations are scary. And sometimes those situations arise because of concscious decisions we have made.

But regardless of how those situations came about, when they do, we have a choice how to react to them. Some would say that suffering is a choice. To be stripped bare, to lose all means of survival but to cling to Christ, can be a choice. To choose to remove from your life all that distracts you from loving God and doing His will, can be a satisfying feeling, though others would have you believe that it is unnecessary.

What am I trying to say? Over the last few months, I have been looking at ways of simplifying my life. I have given away many of my possessions, stopped falling for the commercials and tried to only buy essentials, rather than special bits of tat that are unnecessary. I have attempted to spend more time with people, eating, meeting up, talking. I have tried to spend less time on Facebook and messing around on computers. I have tried to value the input of individuals in my life. I have given when people have needed, and not expected repayment. I have tried not to worry about money. Most of all I have chosen to rely on God when situations have become hurtful and heartbreaking. I have, in effect, stripped myself of some things that others take for granted.

Many people have said to me recently: "I'm really proud of how you're coping with all this" or words to that affect. I am not entirely sure which things they are proud of my ability to cope. But I do know that these last few months have meant more than just removing physical distractions and obstacles from my lifestyle. I have experienced God stripping things away from me too. Breaking off the casing that has surrounded me for so long to reveal the raw, sparkling core of my being. Relighting the fire of passion for things in my heart. Christ has been de-cluttering my soul, so to speak. I cannot say that overall it has been the most pleasant of experiences. But I do know that whatever it is Christ is doing, I am proud that I am not done yet. I am glad that I am still being moulded into a work of art, and that there is more of me to reveal, more of my potential to see, and however painful that experience may be, I know that it is worth going through. For Christ has a greater plan for me, to do greater things. And I need to be ready for that.

So watch out world, I'm just getting started!

Dangerously

N.B. I know that it has been a long time since I've blogged, and that my habits recently have probably allowed most of my followers to fade slowly to the point of non-interest, but as College draws to a close I am determined to be more disciplined in my public reflections.

I have spent the Bank Holiday weekend at the Baptist Assembly in Plymouth, not as a youth worker, or children's worker, or anything really, just as me. It was lovely, if not a relief to have some time away after the rather emotional few weeks I have had. Although a lot of the worship time was not really my cup of tea, and the average age of most of the people there was well over 50, it was uniquely refreshing.

Whilst there, I wasn't being watched - in fact I spent a lot of time by myself, surrounded by beautiful strangers. I was just another face in the crowd, albeit a much younger one! But as I listened to the stories of age old missionaries and heard of the fantastic service they had done for God and for people of other nationalities, I was inspired.

Over the weekend I was also desperately writing an essay on Luke 6: 27-38, Jesus talking about loving our enemies, treating others as we would aspire to be treated, and remembering to love others as God loves them. It was helpful, and encouraging, to think that my life with God is only really beginning. That I have so much more to learn, so many more mistakes to make, and yet so many miracles to discover! God has so much more of a journey set out ahead of me, one in which he calls me to live dangerously, trusting in his amazing provision and truth and love for me, and knowing that the more that I endeavour to live His call for my life, the more I will discover about Him.

I cannot say that life from now will be easy, because I truly believe that it will be anything but! Trusting that God will provide is a scary thing to embark upon. Attempting to love those whom have previously contended, hated, maybe even attacked you, is a hard thing to do. But I truly believe that I am not travelling on my own. On the contrary, I will have neither the strength nor the will to take a single step without the Grace and Love of God pouring onto my life. Praise God. The race is on!

Drowning

So things have been pretty busy round here recently. I'm sorry for not blogging more, I guess some things have to give sometimes, and getting time to sit and reflect enough to write a thoughtful blog may not have been happening so much.

I guess checking Facebook is a far more effective way of keeping up with what I'm doing. Anyways. The last few weeks have been busy, and the next few weeks are going to be pretty eventful. I moved into my own flat last week, and take my young people away for the first time this weekend. I finish as an Optimum Volunteer in just under 2 weeks, and I fly to the Philippines in just under 3 weeks. All pretty major events that I am still trying to get my head around. Life is full of changes recently, and I've realised that on the whole, I've learnt to cope pretty well with that. Or at least I have learnt to better cope with the emotions that it brings.

I know that this summer will change me. I am looking forward to it really. Which is a big step for me. I know that there will be moments when I just don't know what to do, moments when I want to cry, moments when I'll feel like the happiest person in the world. But I guess if I have learnt anything this year, it is to ride the rollercoaster one loop at a time.

Right now, I'm finding a few things hard to cope with. Right now, I feel like I'm falling. Drowning. Being swallowed up by a big hole in my future that I just can't get out of. But things change. Circumstances change, people change, opinions change, moods change. Things are never quite what they seem. There are always depths, hidden meanings, underlying feuds, opinions and reasons why things are said and done. Sometimes it is better when these things remain hidden. I guess underneath people's problems are things that are harder to accept, harder to acknowledge and talk about. That's why people have problems. Because they hide the underlying causes. I guess it's when you try to dig too deep into those causes that you begin to get swallowed up.

"I'm all alone again

I like what she said, not what it means.

She leaves me drowning through the shallow days,

Way down below."

'Shallow Days' - Counting Crows

Snow

N.B. Don't stand too near a car when someone is jetwashing it - you'll get wet!

So the supposedly white Easter we were getting didn't last did it? Down here in sunny Southend it was more sleet, and the "snow" that fell on Sunday was rubbish. Didn't even settle for a little bit. What a disappointment.

Not that I am that fond of snow anyway. It makes me cold, and I do not like to be cold. So I can't really say that I'll be disappointed to leave behind British weather for two weeks and 3 days. Not in the slightest. Cause that's right, you've guessed it. The Philippines trip is just over the horizon. :D

In the early hours of Friday morning, 9/10 of the English half of the team set off on an adventure. (Jo will have been far-flung for a few days already by then, and the rest of the team are Filipino) An adventure that will challenge us, upset us, and will leave us unable to ever be the same people again. There will be times of excitement, times of anticipation and of course, times of exhaustion; this is not a holiday. Its a chance to change lives, for the better. To have an impact on the world, on the individual worlds of individual people that we will meet and work with. A chance to take Christ to people who don't know where their next meal will come from, or what challenges the next day will bring. And most of all, it will be the chance to experience Christ in a new place, to experience the God that is present amongst suffering and pain, amongst poverty and hunger, and that mourns for those that the world has turned its back against.

Please pray for us all, as we go. There will be lots to do, lots of people to meet, to help and to be helped by. There will be situations when it seems like we are not making a difference, times when we just won't know what to say (well, excluding Jo in that one... ) But there will also many times of sharing, and seeing some fruit of past efforts and work, and continued efforts and work, and moments of complete happiness in the faces of those who notice our love.

This story will continue... so keep watching. And learn with me as I grow, and as I change. Don't be afraid to ask me questions, to experience some of that with me. Sometimes I will be happy to share, and sometimes not quite so. But we will work through that, as it comes. As each challenge rises and falls, as the sun dawns and sets. Tomorrow is a new day. The world is changing.

----------------------------------------------

Keep an eye on The Philippines Blog for all the latest news from the far flung places!

Risk

N.B. A quote from Rev Peter Thomas (MA MA) - "You don't have to have a great faith, just faith in a great God!"

We had a church meeting tonight. And to tell the honest truth - it was dead exciting! The church really knows how to get a church meeting going - coffee and cakes at the beginning, and everyone sitting around little tables in groups. We started off with worship and praying with our group. And then we launched into the agenda.

Phil spoke for a few minutes about how even faith as small as a mustard seed can be used to do great things (can move mountains...) The church is moving forward, and how we cannot expect people to come to us, we must be prepared to go out to those who need our presence, especially among the local communities and wards to whom we are appointed. Part of that is the idea that we employ a second part-time minister(s) who are focussed on the pastoral care of the community. And so came the financial report.

It was positive! As always, it is concluded that we all need to up our giving. [Always true.] The treasurer also concluded with a final choice that each person must decide - are we a church that does things, or aren't we? (I think we are) And then we launched into discussion. This bit was the most exciting! How revolutionary and reassuring is it, when 98% of the members are completely confident in the church leaders visions and decisions! Comments were made about how we must take risks, in order for us to go anywhere. About how in the past, God has provided for the church when they most needed it. About how the generosity of people is not to be disvalued. About how we must believe that God will provide because God has called the church into this decision. About how if we ask Jesus for blessing on the money the church receives, then he will multiply it.

And so the church members voted... (unanimously) for Rev Jim and Rev Juliet Kilpin to come and start working part time with Avenue. Upping our community care levels. Setting up something for people to come to who may not be part of the Sunday morning crowd. Getting stuck in to the local community work and caring for people one-on-one, investigating new possibilites about how we can take care of those who need our help. Is that an exciting church meeting or what! =]

During the notices at the end of the meeting, it was mentioned about how discussions have been had with the local Costa Coffee, and they have agreed to let us in one evening to sing carols in the corner, and lead a time of worship. The church often talks about its plans to set up a service in the other ward to service the local community - which is run down and in desperate need of being shown the love of Jesus. There is a mission team going the Philippines in April, and another one to Romania the year after that. This is what I became a Christian for. Not to hide in a church building planning bible studies and youth clubs. (Although that is an important part of my job) But to get my hands dirty - to reach out to those who are searching in all the wrong places for God. To talk and love and care for those society rejects. This is not just me dreaming. This is reality. This is this church, at this time, going places. And I am so pleased to be a part of it. =]

"The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches."

Matthew 13: 31-32 (NIV)

Blackberries

This morning at church 5 people were baptised. It was amazing, as the church only had a baptism service 3 weeks ago, and four people were baptized then. Yesterday there was only 4 people on the list, but one of the non-christians who went to Romania was so moved by the work out there and the way the team were that he was also baptised. He'd barely been a Christian for a day. That's God's grace, give the glory to Him.

I love baptisms. For me, baptism is about being accepted by God, even when you are not perfect. Its an amazing thing really. I put off being baptised for a long time because I thought I wasn't good enough, and Steve really had to work hard to assure me that I was never going to be good enough, but God didn't mind, he accepted me for who I was, and saw the desires of my heart, not the deeds of my flesh. (To put it into the Christian "Jargon" for you all!)

After church I went with Finette, Paul and Nicolette went to a Nature Reserve near Basildon. It was really cool, and we picked blackberries and me and Finette climbed a tree and were picking the apples - much fun. I really enjoyed being able to spend time with the family, and I was really thankful for that today, in this time of thanksgiving at harvest. :D

The sermon this evening was about giving thanks, and I shall nab Phil's notes at some point and type it up, and I really enjoyed it. It made me think alot, we had to ask ourselves, do we have a complaining or a grateful heart? It's so easy to find fault in things, but how much do we have that we can be thankful for? LOADS! *insert some statistics from Phil's sermon* We are so much better off that most of the people in this world, be grateful for what you DO have, not moan about what you do not! Phil challenged us to a Complaint Fast. Which means that every time we feel the need to complain or moan, we should give thanks to God for something instead. The challenge begins!

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever."

Psalm 107:1