Diagnosis

N.B. Could you walk into my head and take away all my secret thoughts? I really wish you could, then maybe I wouldn't have to think them anymore.

This last week has been weird, so say the least. I can't really describe how my mood has swung and twisted into a million different personas, but those of you who have spent time with me this week might have noticed it. It's actually really getting to me that I have these thoughts still. These worries and insecurities in my head that I thought I had banished to the nether worlds.

*sigh*. I bought this book aaages ago, because I was interested in the subject, (which I won't reveal.) I never actually ended up reading it, but whilst sorting through all my stuff to pack up this evening, I picked up this book and read the first chapter. And every sentence seems to describe how I've been feeling these last few months. Some parts describe me at aged 14, 15, 16, 17, 18. It is me, in this book. Everything it says rings true in my life. It's actually really scared me. I don't know how I would go about fixing this. But one thing I am sure of... I need help.

"Everything looked and sounded unreal. Nothing was what it is. That's what I wanted - to be alone with myself in another world where truth is untrue and life can hide from itself."

From 'A Long Day's Journey Into Night' by Eugene O'Neill