I am increasingly unable to sleep, desperately fighting the urge to close my eyes as the night draws on. I am scared, not wanting to relive the things I saw at Payatas yesterday. But there is another part of me that hopes desperately that I will never forget the things I saw, because I know that as long as I do remember them, my hearts stays secure to this place, my motives in life remain grounded in God's word, and God's hope for these people. It amazes me: the passion in their hearts to serve the God who has materially given them so little. But of course, without these "things" to cling to, to rely on - they can only cling to God, and treasure those things that are unseen. They live lives so much closer to Jesus than what I could ever achieve.
Tomorrow will be the last day in the Philippines. But I am so glad to have been here, so glad to have met these people. Because I know my life will be so much better because of it. And I will never forget the people I have met, the lives that have been changed. The ideas and opportunities that I have had, the love that I have been shown, the stories and experiences that have been shared, and not forgetting the ways I have been able to grow and to heal. To let go of things that I was previously unable to let go. The small ways in which God has challenged and reminded me of how I should be. I know that life is full of ups and downs. But maybe now I also appreciate the way that it's okay to have good and bad days - maybe even go so far as to say that its healthier sometimes.
So life goes on, and tomorrow I return to England. And maybe even close a chapter of my life. But thats okay - because a new one is just beginning. Another new adventure is starting!