Wednesday, 30 March 2011

22

N.B. It's my birthday tomorrow, and try as I might, I haven't been the tiniest bit excited. In fact it seems that everyone else is more excited about it being my birthday than me. Perhaps it's because I remember my past birthdays, and am thinking this one won't live up to expectations. Perhaps I've learnt it's better not to have expectations.

So I'm not being very good at blogging this year. To be honest with you, I've lost the enthusiasm and the energy that I started out with. Emotions are not longer fuelled by reaction, but have sunken into (what feels like) an endless pit of acceptingness. This is just how life is now. I am not sure I'm happy with that, but then I'm not sure I'm happy at all. I know that life can be better, and yet no matter what happens, it never seems to be. I feel like I'm just existing. Just living, without truly knowing why. I am indifferent to darkness, death, loss, and upset... because my eyes have become adjusted to this darkness. What is this feeling? I don't know.

So as I said. Tomorrow is the end of March. Another month of 2011 been and gone. Wasn't this year supposed to be better than the last? It never happens does it. *sigh* 

It's my birthday tomorrow, no one here could know
I was born this Thursday, 22 years ago
And I feel stuck watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
[Let That Be Enough - Switchfoot]
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