N.B. So I guess if you are any kind of regular visitor to this blog you may have noticed that I haven't written in a while. There are a variety of reasons for this, none of which I really want to bore you with right now, but I just wanted to update with a little what I have been doing recently, and maybe how I'm feeling right now.
For most of the summer holidays I was in the Philippines (29th July - 3rd September) catching up with old friends, helping out in a variety of projects that I was involved in last year. I also got to share in the Wedding Day of some dear friends of mine, which was of course an amazing privilege. It was an amazing time, to see all those people and places that I have been longing to return to for such a long time now. The time away changed me, in many ways. Lessons that I have been learning this year reaching the climax of their instigation in my life, and above all else, I came home with a lot less stuff weighing down on my shoulders than I went out with.
Since being back, I have begun to struggle once more with that - 'who am I now that I'm here?' kind of scenario: comparing everything to Filipino life and with a part of me constantly wishing that I was back in that place once again. I guess in a world with so much uncertainty, saying goodbye is never easy when you think that it may be your last.
But as well as that constant struggle, I feel that I have learnt some important life lessons that are moulding me well for my future. I have noticed a few remarkable changes in myself that may not be obvious to anyone else, but that are affecting the way I live in my everyday life. There are still parts of me that need revamping. There are past things that going to the Philippines brought up in my mind, although I may not have expressed them out loud. It is all a continual part of my journey, my coming to God in the final days, my meeting my maker. All this is just a small fraction of the greater things that are to come. And so I take each moment, each day as it arrives and settles. I rise in the morning and I flap my wings, desperate to achieve that ultimate goal. Maybe one day my feet will leave the ground.
"I can't stand to fly, I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find, the better part of me
I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me"
'Superman' - Five For Fighting