Wednesday, 28 November 2007

Reassurance

I felt reassured this week. I felt that yet again, God was letting me know that He does know where I am, and its just where He wants me. But he didn't do that by some massive miracle or by sending me a letter/text/email or facebook message. Instead, He sent me two angels to be with me when I felt really; almost unexplainably; upset.

At the beginning of this week, I was feeling pretty low. I was tired, ill, cranky, stressed, lonely, and just really wanting to crawl into a ball and sleep forever. However, I was never given that option. (Or the chance - Its understandable to say that things have been pretty hectic around here lately. I work for a church. And in just 28 days, its Christmas. Its finally crept up on us, and I'm not ready at ALL.)

So yeah. I had a pretty busy week coming up. I had loads of things to do. I wasn't feeling up to any of it. And yet the only thing that made me feel better, was just being with these two people. (Who know full well who they are.) I've had some other things that on my mind lately, which I didn't tell anyone about. Things that were actually really getting to me, and yet I never had the opportunity to share. Maybe things that I were trying to deny, in the hope that if I never thought about them, they might go away.

However, any mood other than happy never seems to surpass Rachel, who seemed to know immediately something was up, even though I never said anything. We talked for a bit, and with each thing that she said, it almost seemed as though she was reaching into the knot in my stomach and ripping it out of me. It hurt. But I needed it. Because I find it so extremely difficult to talk to people. So much of my life is still very raw on my heart, and whenever I get into a situation where I have to talk about it I normally clam up, get embarrassed, or change the subject. But I couldn't with Rachel. She was there, and she knew I needed to talk about it. And so she prodded. And she poked. And then she just hugged me until I just couldn't hold on to it anymore. And it just all came tumbling out. (Amidst more tears... they must think I'm such a crybaby.) And yeah, after it all, I was still tired, ill, stressed, and had loads of things to do and plan. But I also knew I had discovered a very special friend. Someone who wasn't going to let me go because of all the things that had happened in my past. Someone who wasn't afraid to share in my sufferings. Someone that extra bit special. And that, for me, this week, is something I could have only dreamed of.

So Rachel, if you ever read this. Don't ever change. You are completely special and wonderful just how you are, and you are and will be used for even greater things than these.
All my love.
Ami. xXx
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