Monday, 25 April 2011

Overwhelmed

N.B. If you are any sort of regular reader of this thing... which I doubt you are... then you'll know that every now and again I just have to let it out. This is one of those blogs.

Overwhelmed. That's how I feel today. And for once, I realise a little bit why. I'm 22, and I'm not yet in charge of my own life. My life has; thus far; been dictated to me. And even now as a student, much of what should give me independance... doesn't. I am constantly at the beck and call of deadlines, assignments, stuff I have to do for work, when I get paid (or don't.), when I can have time off. The Government tells me what I have to pay, what opportunities I have for my life... how the future is going to be. Culture dictates what makes me cool (or not cool is more the point). Adverts tell me that if I don't have the latest iPhone/Blackberry/Dell computer then I am a loser. (And well... I guess that makes me a loser.)

Actually, all of that doesn't really matter that much. I guess that's why I also have this underlying feeling of complete and utter guilt. Because all of these things that are making me feel a bit pants shouldn't. Because ultimately, God is in charge of all of those things. But I guess it's that this feeling is stopping me doing what I want to be doing - amazing things through and for God. Right now I am powerless and completely penniless... and there is nothing I can do about it. *sigh*
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