N.B. I've had a really rewarding week, although, struggling through it, I don't think I realised it so much at the time. There have been so many times when I have felt, what? What are you doing God? But I guess that is the art of reflecting back on what God's been doing. You can appreciate the small things that you didn't realise were going on at the time. I guess that's all I ever do on this blog really. Hope you don't mind. :)
A really close friend of mine, wrote this on his blog recently:
"The thing about flying is you have to jump off the ledge. In order to glide upwards on the currents and eddies you must hurl yourself headlong into the abyss and believe that underneath are the everlasting arms.
A mother eagle does not teach her chicks to fly bit by bit. She simply kicks them out of the nest. Often God is more gentle with us, but often He wants us to do our bit of the growing too."
When I read that, I was blown away by how much it was speaking into my life, and teaching me a lesson that I now realise God really wanted me to learn. To jump off the edge occasionally, instead of constantly being shoved, kicking and screaming the whole way. Recently, I had a few deep conversations with people in which I have expressed my concern for returning to the "abyss" from which I have come, (not my words.) It's something me and God have been fighting over for a good month or so now, and so far I had been resisting, petrified and unsure of what would result. But when I read Matt's blog in the light of the conversation I had had, I realised that this was something God was really serious about me doing. It was time to hurl myself headlong into it, as Matt puts it, and just trust that God wouldn't let me fall too far. Rather, He would uphold me and sustain me at the right point, until the time was right.
So that's what I've been doing, and ya know, its not too bad down here. A tad lonely at times, but I guess that's no more so than normal. And I'm learning, from the darkness. And I'm appreciating the small snippets of light that shine through to me. And although I don't fully understand why I'm here, and how long this will last, I am trying to make the most of it. Life was never supposed to be easy. So I have no complaints, Praise God.