N.B. I've not been feeling too settled lately. Maybe you know that, maybe you don't care, but I just wanted to apologise in advance if my blogs seem a bit... off, over the coming weeks. And hey, feel free to comment to let me know I'm not alone here.
I was at Training today, and there came a point when I found myself just staring out of the massive great window that is seated on either side of the barn. And as I thought about all manner of things, that verse that talks about us being of the world, or in the world came into my head (and I don't even really know what it means.) But I know that so often, I will look out of this window and watch those outside enjoying the beauty of the sun and surroundings, and wish I were in it.
During lunchtime I took a walk/run with God, and trudged to the top of "the mound". When I got there, I just shouted out to God, "What do you want from me?" over and over again. I screamed, I shouted, I fell on my knees before God. And I waited. I wanted to cry so so much, but nothing came. No tears fell. I asked God what was wrong with me. No booming voice or answer came. Maybe I'm not listening right.