Friday, 23 May 2008

Cold

N.B. This week for me has definately been one of an uncertain middle ground.

As you move each foot, a new power takes hold of you, loose hair is thrown backwards, and the bitter wind stings your face as it hits, one leg behind the other, you feel like you are flying. Once you have mastered your balance you skate, faster and faster until you are flown off to place where you have the power and the control, and it is the most wonderful feeling. And then it happens. You fall, and you feel the sting of the freezing water as it stabs every part of your body. You try to catch your breath but the temperature has frozen your lungs and you feel like you are drowning, sinking lower and lower into the watery darkness, desperately wishing for a hand to grab you and pull you back through the ice into the sunlight.

There are moments in all of our lives when we feel like we have 'fallen through the ice'. And sometimes those moments last longer than others, sometimes we are almost ready to give up trying to move, body frozen still and our eyes beginning to close to the darkness before that saving hand yanks us out of the water. And sometimes we feel like the saving hand will never come as we are slowly but surely sinking towards our watery grave.

I have felt like I have been sinking this week. And although the memories of flying, of the good things that have been going on are still fresh in my mind, I can't help but wish for someone to yank me out of the water. It came so suddenly; I was barely aware that I was skating dangerously, but now that it has come, I am left ever confused as to when it began. I cry out to God, over and over, and sometimes I know He is there. But why then these fleeting moments of loneliness that submerge me back into my watery grave? I do not know. But I continue to cry out, for I know God will come.

"Cold, cold water surrounds me now
And all I've got is your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Or am I lost?

No one's daughter allow me that
And I can't let go of your hand
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Lord, can you hear me now?
Or am I lost?"
Damien Rice - Cold Water
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